Well, it's already April, and I'm only just getting around to posting my New Year's goals. They have been written since, well, New Year's, but it turns out that there are more pressing things to do during late pregnancy and early parenthood! Here they are now; as an added bonus I can check in on my progress so far (while this might not count as a "prespecified analysis" in my line of work, the stakes are low enough here that I can do it!). 

1. Have a successful delivery of our son. My son Sam was born on January 31st after an exciting entrance into the world. I was induced a few days early after feeling decreased fetal movement, and when doctors recommended a Ceasarean following signs of fetal distress, they found his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck FOUR times. Needless to say, I feel grateful every day that this goal was met and that I have this precious boy in my life intact.

2. Keep a sense of humor in parenting. Being in charge of another human's development and survival is stressful. Being able to laugh about it seems key. I've done lots of laughing so far, and hope to maintain this in the face of mounting and conflicting obligations, which brings me to...

3. Try for work/life balance. It's been easy so far, since I'm on leave from work for another three and a half weeks. Beyond that I have no idea. Is there such a thing? I'm always up for advice from those who have come before.

4. Get back to fitness/stay active even with a baby. It will be a long road back to pre-pregnancy weight and fitness. In the meantime a more manageable goal is to stay active each week: my usual goal is to walk/run at least 15 miles. I've just been cleared to run again, so I'm gradually trying to incorporate that again into my routine. But I also want to...

5. Be kind to myself. Having a baby is hard. Having a baby, a family, a career, AND an exercise regimen feels just about insurmountable at times. So I'm trying to give myself grace about the things I can do with the energy I have.

6. Have less idle screen time. In recent months I've been realizing how much time I spend mindlessly on social media. While it is fun to stay in touch with old friends online and meet new virtual friends, I worry that I engage less with the real world as a result. My hope is that the 'new normal' will prohibit much of this. (Thus far this has not been the case; often when e.g. pumping I'm so tired that all I can muster energy for is social media.) I'd love to hear other strategies for managing social media both in terms of time and emotional energy.   

7. Double down on my core values: love, family, community, hard work, and decency. In a time and political environment where these seem in short supply, I want to bring it back to my core values. To remember who I am, outside of the outrage I feel most days reading the headlines.

Time to check in: how are you doing on your New Year's goals? 

As usual, the evening of December 31 has got me thinking about goals. Goals for the new year, goals from last year. I've been AWOL from the blog for many months, but there's always time for an eleventh hour check in, right?

Last year I decided to make a public goals list, hoping for some accountability. Here's how I did:

1. Run consistently, including one speed session per week

I did this! Well, for a small part of the year (January, March, and April) -- and those were really great. I felt fast (for me) and fit. I had to take time off from running the remainder of the year because of injury, medical procedures, and pregnancy. Once the first trimester was behind me, and I could peel myself off the couch, I had another month or so of running without speedwork before things were too uncomfortable and I started walking my mileage instead.

But I remember how good running, and speed, feels! I'm excited for 2017 for lots of reasons, and one of them is getting back to that feeling. Here's to mama fitness in 2017!

2. Strength training two times per week

This was the goal that ended up most like traditional resolutions for me in 2016. I had about 6-ish weeks of good behavior on this one (Oiselle dirty dozen, among others), then fell off the wagon. I'm hoping to incorporate this again into my fitness routine as I get back to running post-partum.

3. Save for a down payment on a house

This one was a home run! I have to admit I unironically *love* saving. We are almost there, although we've decided to wait on the actual purchasing of a house. My husband is going back to school and we can make our current situation work for a while even with a new baby, but the nest egg is there waiting for us (incubating?) when we need it.

4. Be vulnerable and Wholehearted

This is a hard one to assess (no milestones, ya know?), but I think I've done a good job here, too. There have certainly been lots of tears (both before and after getting pregnant), and I've tried hard to dig deep into my values: love, family, hard work, decency. I know lots of people are fearful and cynical about what might occur in 2017; I'm going to double down on these values and try to live them louder than ever before.

5. Blog at least 1-2 times per month

This post brings the grand total to 7 for the year, so... not great. Not sure it will be more frequent with a new baby, either. Oh, well... the blog is still here for when I need a (very small scale) platform, I suppose.

Taking stock of the past year inevitably leads to thinking about goals for the new year... coming soon!

Yesterday I celebrated my 38th birthday. As is my tradition, I spent part of the day taking stock of the year that has passed, and part of the day taking stock of the things I want/hope/expect will happen in the coming year. And this year has been a big one. Apart from the small daily triumphs and tribulations that make up a life, I finished my PhD (at long last) and got a "big girl" job, struggled with infertility, and ran faster than ever. In terms of having the opportunity to experience the full range of human emotion, it was a slam dunk of a year. It was a year full of being rewarded for years of hard work, and of learning to let go despite my best efforts to control outcomes.

My birthday afternoon, and the forecast for 38 looks just fine by me.

And now: what's new and what's ahead? Well, there's one small clue in my birthday present from my beloved husband: an original composition entitled "Here We Go".

Another clue is that I've spent most of the summer on our couch, and that now I'm finally feeling well enough to get excited about the fact that I'm 17 weeks pregnant! It's only just sinking in that this is for real, and that there will be a project deliverable at the end of this process, on or about Feb. 5. There's much, much more to say; but for today, let's leave it at next year's birthday reflection: 38 -- that was a very good year!